My 2 New Rules for Professional Growth

Posted on August 22, 2012 | 14 Comments

Welcome to Emotion in Tech, a new series in which I reflect on the unavoidable connections between our emotional states and the work we do.

change bumper stickerThere’s a bumper-sticker quote (or as I’m starting to think of them, Pinterest quotes) attributed to Gandhi: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s a nice sentiment, but as personal mottos go it’s both a little smug and a little unrealistic.  Can one person really exert that much control over the whole world simply by changing his or her own actions?

It turns out that’s not exactly what Gandhi was saying.  According to The New York Times, the closest verifiable quote from Gandhi is “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”

Perhaps “Be the change you want to see in your world” would be a better approximation.

Change is Scary

Yesterday my team had a facilitation workshop with Stacey Sargent of Connect Growth and Development, which I can’t recommend highly enough.  We spent a lot of time talking about how we deal with stress, how we give feedback and what we’d most like to see as the team continues to grow.

I’ve struggled with fear throughout my career (it rhymes, so it must be true).  When I get stressed, I begin to fear change. When I feel afraid, I start to shut down, becoming less communicative.  I also become increasingly territorial about my work as I retreat into my own safe little world. This makes me less open to collaboration.  I know this about myself and can work to correct for these feelings of fear, but it’s difficult and requires a lot of self-awareness at work – not easy when I’m emotionally drained from stress.

hear, see, speak . . . no evil

When I’m stressed, I also become more conflict-avoidant.  That means I’m less likely both to give and to solicit feedback.  This is maybe the most bonkers and counter-productive emotional trap I set for myself (OK, maybe Top 10), because the best way for me to NOT feel stressed and fearful is to be able to trust that my teammates will tell me if there’s a problem.

SEOmoz has been growing a lot lately, and with growth comes change, and check the subhead: change is scary.  What am I worried about? Among other things, I’m worried that a bigger team will mean increased siloing and reduced visibility into other people’s projects – that I’ll be out of the loop and unable to work as effectively as a result. I’m also worried that spiders will drop down from the ceiling onto my face while I’m sleeping, but I don’t think that’s related to company growth.

The Call is Coming From Inside the House

So let’s break that down together, shall we?

When I am scared:

  • I stop communicating about what I’m doing
  • I resist collaboration
  • I stop giving feedback

What I am scared of:

  • Not having visibility into what other people are doing
  • Losing opportunities to collaborate due to siloing

How I can stop being scared:

  • Trust my teammates to give me necessary feedback

Face. Palm.
funny pictures of cats with captions

Lead Yourself by Example

I may not be able to be the change I want to see in the world at large (although if someone can tell me how to be “spiders not crawling on my face ever,” I’d be happy to do that), but I can be the change I want to see in my world. It’s as simple as the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

If I want increased visibility team-wide, I can lead by example and give as much visibility as I can into my own projects and processes.  If I want to avoid siloing, I need to create as many opportunities for intra-team and cross-team transparency and collaboration as I can. If I want to be able to trust my teammates to give me feedback, I need to work through my conflict-avoidance to show them that they can trust me to do the same.

What’s so great about this is that I now have a list of personal emotional action items that will not only make me a better team member but also will directly benefit my own emotional health.  All that in just two steps:

  1. Quit doing the stuff I want other people to quit doing.
  2. Start doing the stuff I want other people to start doing.

Now those are some bumper stickers I’d be happy to drive behind.

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  • http://www.randfishkin.com/blog Rand Fishkin

    Ruth – what an amazing post. I’m so excited to see this level of transparency and self-reflection. IMO the kind of self-analysis and understanding of what makes us tick is very rare and very powerful. It not only creates better environments and productivity, it makes us happier. Going to refer to this concept often :)

    Also – I’d been a little skeptical of Stacey and the concepts of conflict facilitation. Glad to see it was so positive.

    • ruthburr

      Thanks, Rand! It was a big headsmacking moment for me. I got a TON out of the facilitation workshop, and I think a big part of that is the amazing team we have – everyone arrived with an open mind, ready to work, and learned a lot.

  • RocketMan

    Please fix the spelling of Gandhi’s name in your first post. It is Gandhi, not Ghandi.

    • ruthburr

      Fixed – Thanks.

  • AaronWheeler

    I love your take-away message! I have found the Golden Rule to be my core value as well. I think most people try to live by this rule, but sometimes people can lose sight of what’s motivating them. It’s inspiring to see your self-awareness shining through this post. Nice one!

  • http://twitter.com/sergio_redondo Sergio Redondo

    It’s wonderful how people like you are involved in make their work environment a better place to be.
    If we are able to turn our fears into our strength we have part of the way walked.
    Congratulations, a really nice post.

    • ruthburr

      Thank you Sergio – and thanks for reading.

  • http://twitter.com/jennita Jennifer Sable Lopez

    In so many ways, I am right there with you. These particular lines: “When I feel afraid, I start to shut down, becoming less communicative. I
    also become increasingly territorial about my work as I retreat into my
    own safe little world. This makes me less open to collaboration.” might as well be about me. I’ve been in a “just do what I do best” mode and having a hard time communicating with others.

    The team meeting yesterday really opened my eyes that I wasn’t the only one in the same boat. The part that helped me the most was realizing that we really are all in this together. :)

    I love your action items and I’d like to officially say I’m jumping on that train as well. Thanks for writing this all down so clearly and I really look forward to your future posts!

    • ruthburr

      That was definitely the part that helped me the most too. I was actually laughing a bit as we all shared our concerns and how we deal with stress and how similar it all was.

  • http://twitter.com/dr_pete Dr. Peter J. Meyers

    My younger brother once had an earwig fall from the ceiling onto his face while he was sleeping. The lesson here is – don’t waste your time being afraid of spiders falling onto your face, because it’ll probably be an earwig. It’s not a very good lesson, mind you.

    • ruthburr

      Oh. My. GOD. Why, Dr. Pete? Why would you tell me that? I thought we were friends.

  • http://yoyoseo.com DanaLookadoo

    Thank you, Ruth, for sharing your challenges and methods for overcoming them. I’m not working at a place as fast-growing as SEOmoz, but we’re experiencing change and expansion as well. I can so relate. Without turning this into a “me too” autobiography, I understand.

    There’s a book, “360-Degree Leader” that refers to how each of us, no matter where we are in a company, are leaders in our own circle. You’re summary approach is just that, leading by example! Kudos!

    • ruthburr

      Oooh I love a good book recommendation! I will check it out. Thanks Dana – and thanks for sharing that you’re having the same struggles.

  • http://www.jonathoncolman.org/ Jonathon Colman

    Sooo much good stuff here. Thanks for sharing this with us, Ruth.

    And yes! The Golden Rule totally applies here, not just to our work, but to our relationships and lives, like you’re saying. That’s really spot-on.

    I’d be interesting in learning more about the flip-side to this. “When I’m excited, I _____” or
    “When I’m invested, I _____” or
    “When I’m leading by example, I _____”… As you start to check things off of your list of personal emotional action items, I’d love to her about how that goes and what you learn along the way.

    Heh, “it rhymes so it must be true.” <—- my favorite line. :)